


Something More

by sozmom



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: As the years go on kinda fic, Fluff, M/M, Mild Angst, theres a couple of character deaths so beware
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 14:46:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7272427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sozmom/pseuds/sozmom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: I just really want a story or head cannon of Saphael like down the road - son-of-a-bitch-spn-family</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something More

It's 2 pm, Simon still can't sleep. How could when something so big is happening right now but he can't be there.

He'll visit tonight but it won't be the same.

Instead he curls in on himself and tries to regulate his breathing. Then he remembers it's useless since he doesn't need to and stops. You are born the moment you take your first breath and you're meant to die when you take your last.

Simon clearly didn't follow those rules. No one in the hotel did or ever would.

He turns over and tries to think of anything but what's happening today. He tries remembering song lyrics and gets halfway through an album before he can't bare it anymore. He tries counting but gives up excessively fast. He even hums cords to himself. None of it works. He was fooling himself thinking it would.

With a soft sigh he rises from his bed (yes a bed, he couldn't stand the caskets and so led a revolt against them along with the other mildly sane vampires in the hotel. Raphael conceded but constantly chirped about traditions and upholding images).

There are rarely days when he can't sleep but when they appear there's no point fighting them. He shuffles over to his desk, planning on doing some work to keep him occupied but the thought of writing another word turns his stomach.

He should've told Jace about the books, after all he modelled the main character after him. Strong, brave, loyal, handsome.

His heart give a violent lurch thinking about Jace.

Today was his funeral.

He was the last one.

Simon lets a choked sob rack through him. He promised Jace he wouldn't cry for him but God it was hard not to.

He tried to control his emotions but they were warring and wearing him down. A few tears squeezed past and that was it.

He cried, trying his best to be quiet, everyone in the hotel had super hearing they didn't need to hear this. Especially now.

It would have been okay to cry a few years ago, when he didn't matter, but now he meant something. He was a leader, a mentor, a diplomat. They couldn't see him as weak. He couldn't afford that.

So he tried his best to keep silent, let his tears wash over him.

God he was going to miss Jace. For so many years it had just been him and Simon. They relied on each other heavily after Clary died.

Now it was just Simon.

Alec had past two years before Clary. In honour of him he got a damn day dedicated to him, celebrating the unity he brought to the shadowworld. It was the only time Simon saw Magnus as he and Raphael spent the day locked in one of the studies. What they did Simon doesn't know and he doesn't think it's his place to ask.

Izzy died a few years after Clary, surrounded by loved ones. Simon was honoured to be amongst them. Izzy was an almost for him. They almost became something. But there were too many things that got in the way. Too many things Simon could never give her. He mourned her for days.

Clary he rarely mourns. She's so ingrained in him and the things around him it rarely feels like she's gone. But when nights like these happen he misses her the most because she's no longer just a phone call away.

When he's finally calmed himself he notices a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't even need to look up to know who it belongs to.

When everything around him is always changing the one thing that remains the same is this. Is Him.

Simon curls his hand over Raphaels and let's his presence calm the storm in his head.

"You should go back to bed"

"You should come with me"

It's not a pick up line. Not like the ones he says as often as he can in hopes that one day they'll work. This is Simon asking the only thing keeping him strong to keep him strong a little longer.

Raphael stays because Raphael always stays.

They curl up next to each other. Simon tries his best to only go as far as Raphael is comfortable with. When Raphael realises this he huffs and pulls his second in command closer.

They don't talk. They don't need to. Raphael knows what's happening today. Simon knows Raphael will listen if he wants to say something.

He doesn't want to say anything he just lets himself melt into Raphael's embrace.

Raphael was an almost a very long time ago. When they first met. Their budding friendship had held the potential to be _more_. Simon was just too caught up in Clary to see it.

They have that potential now and Simons trying not to waste it. Raphael had told him he doesn't want to risk what they have, that he's afraid to take this blind leap when it could hurt so much.

Simon isn't afraid but he's more than willing to wait patiently for Raphael to join him on the edge of whatever cliff they're on. Ready to jump, eyes closed and hands intertwined.

Until then Simon will wait and keep nights like these close to his heart knowing one day they might be a common occurrence. Knowing one they could be _more_.

**Author's Note:**

> closest thing I'll ever write to angst tbh. Anyways if you liked leave comments and kudos please. Thank you for reading.
> 
> If you have prompts send em my way. Or @bathildahotshot on tumblr


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